I tell her my eyes are small wrinkles.
Mom tells me, no, my eyes are beautiful.

But I look into the curves of her crease,
A lid that runs so smoothly like almond milk,
it cuts deep into her folds,
a measured centimeter down into her bones,

Mine are almost admirable,
the stubborn skin that refuses to curve.

I tell her my eyes are small wrinkles.
Mom tells me, no, my eyes are beautiful.

And I wonder why they cannot be both.

And Ivan says,

It is easy to claim, harder to practice.
It is easy to love thy neighbor as thyself.
It is harder to love he who rests his head next door.

And Ivan says, "I think that if the devil does not exist, and man has therefore created him, he has created him in his own image and likeness."

And Ivan says, 

God created man with Euclidean geometry, 

created man with limitations, rationality, 

as parallel lines that can only clutch divine in infinity, 

in the non-existence of the mind. 

And I wonder, 

if man created the devil the way God created man, 

mathematically, 

with science, 

with an exactness permeating atoms above air, 

Did man add its wretchedness into the reaction to act as a catalyst, 

And is this the conclusion, 

the explanation for the beast hidden under molecules of skin, 

stomach pumping for pleasure, 

for evil, for the release of dopamine under the scent of iron, 

And is this biology holy?

And is this biology the conclusion for oppression,

for murder, for torture without meaning?

Because then I demand a conclusion 

for why the arithmetic in human nature is flawed. 

You cannot create rain and wish the world dry, 

you cannot create sin and wish the world good.  

The symphony plays tragedy

I am afraid of what will happen to you,

One foot in the grave, the other across the country

Will I be there when the news hits, 

Will the sound of that word that has been built up inside of me swallow me when I finally hear it, 

.

Abrupt like the end of an orchestra. 

When a word has the power to silence a whole audience, 

she clings on to the music, 

she builds distance, 

measures uncertainty in the octaves of short breaths in between their laughter. 

Life is different 

when it is
fleeting,
like rain running down car windows, 

evaporating. 

When it is

Stay.

daddy likes to dance with the devil

On July 7th you purged yourself in clean air,

promised me a new tomorrow—tomorrow, you will save

yourself.

That night I prayed in the name amen. I used to

paint you godly—or

whatever a young girl’s metaphor for a dad was.

Used to paint you righteous,

but nicotine has a way of craving for sin,

has a way of creating angels out of fathers.

Your job was to put food on the table, but long nights called for bad habits, for

famine in your lungs, starving for the seductive taste of fire,

for the burnt barbecued pieces.

On July 8, I watched you light your pack like candles,

like you were lost without her light. Her sensation ignited

you, burnt your

body up into flames,

slowly,

symphonically,

wrapping

you around her arms,

you hold her,

romantically,

because she wants to grow old with you,

wants to steal you from your lover,

your family,

and dance with you

under street lights that radiate like

multi­colored malignancies.

She refuses to let you leave her,

will always come back for you,

promises eternity.

You cannot live without her.

You will die together.

Nicotine wants to show you Hell,

make it feel a lot like Heaven.

If you could, you would crucify yourself,

bleed out all your sickled sinful yesterdays.

let your body become a church again—

holy.

Reincarnate into a man worthy of forgiveness.

Daddy, I forgive you.

I do not know what it is like to worship your own killer,

do not know what is like to have a gun cocked into your mouth,

Please Daddy,

she is not your savior.

The gun is in your own hands.

Do not pull the trigger.

Girl is glory

What did Kanye West mean?

she wonders

Seasons, she says,
Static, curves of predictability flickering, erratic,
cold like heat, like drops of drought,
like my grandmothers smile when I laugh at her jokes
Her jokes, alien and distant
I cannot translate back its meaning, I simply detect its being
with the curve of her lips
It is a signal that I should laugh
out of politeness,
my tongue
reaches for meaning,
wraps itself around nothingness
The silence screams endlessly-
until it is too tired to speak anymore,
until it too is broken,
like pieces of bottled glass,
like my curses and crushed cries,
like the smell I know too much like home
the scent of breathe drowned in ash and heat,
and its predictability, its permanence
it builds distance
like shame on a Sunday afternoon,
dry with thirst for an answered prayer,
a rebirth of color-
an end to the wrecked winter.
But the cold slits the strongest branches with his crown
and I too begin to bow at his feet.

And she wonders what season God presents itself as.
And she wonders if this world is just wind and passing seasons.